It has been a rather turbulent time for me. Laughs out loud. Lotsa little ups and downs. I would say the downs seem to outnumber the ups though. Have been and still am in a state of boredom-cum-tardiness-cum-tired of living-ness. It's the kind of feeling like you're living still yet you can't say you are.

Have been rather put off by all the small petty things that have happened and accumulated recently. Things from work, things from my parents, things from the course I'm doing... and also ultimately, the fact that my future remains very much undecided gnaws away at every little ounce of strength I have left in my hear soul and mind to open my eyes each morning to meet the new day.

Never have I thought the day would come when I'd look back and actually wish I was in a more school-class environment. Lessons are so boring at animation class, always feel like sleeping in the morning. Lols. And I must admit I am rather agitated by the fact that it's being carried out in typical singaporean style. Singlish and all. Chairs are horribly squeaky such that they make loud noises everytime you (and anybody else for that matter) squirm. The teach says the word 'itself' like there's no tomorrow, maybe I should keep count of how many times she says it but its plain annoying everytime I take notice. The classmates are working people and seem to drone away at whatever we're to do. There's no fun at all. Hellllooooo people people. Animation is fun. I know it's the part where learning seems more tedious and technical and monotonous but for pete's sake don't make learning a pain in the ass. I am so sad to say, this is Singaporean education for you. It doesn't seem to change regardless of which course you take as long as its within the island. It kinda sucks. And the most horrid thing it did to me was to create that insecurity that studying animation in Japan would be like this. How dare you! Insolent fool!

So yea it's been tiring constantly worrying about such things. Been reminiscing about Cowboy Bebop again tonight. Bebop's a real fun and more than pleasant memory to me all this time. It's something I can remember with a smile on my face, cos they're just peeps having their own fun in their own style and way. And more than that actually, more human to me than most humans, lol, through their emotions. It's, almost something I could reach out and grab.

Luckily, my mom decided to save me from myself and tuned to NHK tonight. Upon hearing the magic words 'manga' during the newstime I rolled myself over to the telly as fast as I could, was on the swivel chair if you're wondering. And there was this short section dedicated to something about the manga culture in japan and france too actually, telling of this book called JAPON published recently I should think that contains french and japanese manga in japanese french and english. And it was a soothing sight, to see mangaka on tv doing what they do best, not because it's a job or for fame or popularity or money, but it's something that they do from the heart. I want to go to Japan! I'm sorry Japan I doubted you even a little. Warukatta. Gomenasai.

Anyhow, I feel that these events that have happened, they prompt me to lower the pride I have in me and bring myself back to earth. However much I hate it and feel that I have the right not to (lols.) I must, to survive, and make this time more fruitful.

This has been a rather sucky post but the footprints are a must to leave.

Shout out time!

I wanna thank Yimp for reminding me the things to be thankful for and that what I'm going through now isn't really shit though I keep insisting it is.
I wanna thank my Sister for there's something connecting us beneath the talks, chats, and fun stuff that's called family.
I wanna thank my cuzzies who remind me that downs are part of life too and I'm not alone.