Ha, I've managed to squeeze a bit of my brain juices into action thus the existence of this post. The most horriblest thing long holidays does to you is to reduce the importance and meaning of your very existence into mere dust. I was pondering about the fact that a friend mentioned she'd be quitting her job at the start of june and kept harping (well not exactly, but enough to make me realise) that it'd all end soon. Then it kinda dawned on me, that almost half a year has passed already! A part of me highlights the 'almost' and is scrambling to find something to do that would make this first half of 2006 somewhat special and most importantly, something I wouldn't look back and find regrettable, or a waste of time. Despite, my almost busy nature everyday of the week, there's this big vortex inside of me that seems to be sucking away everything. Emotions, thoughts and, I fear, my sanity as well. Such that I see nothing except that big black empty hole within myself.

I think I have come to understand myself a little better. As extreme as I made myself out to be, swaying from one end of the spectrum to the other in mere minutes, emotions like anger, elation and hurt climax upon the triggering of minor events, there is a need for some sort of moderation in my life. This has been stressed during my years in JC and now, once again after. It is a kind of irony I feel. Hours of mugging non-stop where you see nothing but homework in everything that you do. You read the papers, surf the net, watch the telly all for the sake of doing that piece of assignment or prepping for that paper. All your daylight hours haunted by the nagging feeling of the piece of homework left undone. Day or night does not matter anymore, the only sole purpose of our lives was to finish that homework, scour through the lecture notes, do those tutorials, write those essays. Don't even talk about freetime, sleep was a luxury. And what was sleeping anyway? The only solace, where we could drift our minds off from this world, disturbed by such a torturous routine, reduced to mere respite. You could equate sleep as the turning off of a switch, only to be turned on say 5 hours or less later on when it was time to get ready for school. Oh the agony of being forcefully corrected into drones. Time and time again, it was not difficult to see the problem of such an insane education system. Moderation is key my dear friends. Surely anyone can see that it's not a healthy lifestyle to be forcefed with nothing else but what the higher ups deem as good and wholesome for the economy. A little leeway does wonders for the heart and mind. If you'd let the mind wander a little, you'd be surprised as to what it could come up with. Instead of restricting us poor souls into focusing every bit of energy into swallowing increasingly larger volumes of input, it would've been wise to let us stop, take a break and take in the sights and sounds. Breathe, smell, taste, touch, see, hear. Maybe we would even have felt an inkling of joy in the harsh studying environment. Education Nazis!

But now, when crazy exams and study routines and timetables have come to pass, it is time once more to reexamine this concept. Where time was previously non-existent, it is now behaving somewhat like a vacuum. As seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months quite quickly whiz pass at their usual speed, it feels like this could go on forever. As if stuck in a different dimension that keeps no log of time. Moderation again! Moderation! Maybe it is a secret ambition of mine, to attain harmony and balance with all that is around me and surrounds me (and sometimes, drounds me).

Prolonged periods of keeping that head down in the books won't do you any good. Neither will extravagant lengths of free unscheduled time.

Don't ask why. I just know it is and somehow, it's what I gotta do. There isn't anything else anyway and if, if it isn't what it is supposed to be then that's it. I will have to deal with it. When you leave people alone, they walk down the path towards their downfall. But even if it is my downfall, there is no place else I can call home.


僕は旅人ですから。今も、昔からも、そしてずっとこのままに... ...

Today I discovered a scruffy looking fellow that had plonked itself right in the center of traffic. I was at the Bukit Batok mrt station walking towards the interchange, going home from the coocoo driving centre (passed my FTT! :D) when there it was. King of the block. Sprawled comfortably on it's stomach, paws stretched out with an alert, wide-eyed look on its face. Didn't look as though it was gonna move soon. It wasn't actually scruffy, I think it's what you call calico. Its fur is a splash of black and different shades of brown such that it looks real dirty. Something like the tortoiseshell just that the latter has a base of white whilst the former has a base of black. I woulda gone up to it if it wasn't smacked right in the center of the path leading to the 7-11. Road block eh? Swiftly on my way, I just managed to catch a short glimpse of a somewhat curious man bending down and instinctively semi-poking the feline in the nose with his rolled up newspaper. What an exciting day for a cat!

I associate cats as friends. A very natural thing for me to do would be to assume any cat I see is a friend. Sometimes the poor fellows, unable to discern friendliness from nosiness hiss and hop quickly away, but no worry, I have yet to meet a bad cat.

Speaking of calico cats, I had a skinny one bounce after me the other day on my way home quite late at night. She was a skinny one but quite healthy looking. I heard the consistent jingling of a bell and realised I was being followed! Lovely lovely cat who couldn't get enough. Rubbed against my legs and bounced up and down against the wall. Took a few playful swipes at my hair when I bent down to rub her fur. What a silly fellow. Followed me right up to my doorstep but refused the dried cat food I offered. In the end, I had to entertain her for quite a while since she wouldn't go but I had to leave her behind because she's not my cat! Had a clear tag and collar round her neck and so, that was my only relief. That someone would care for her when I go.

Hello. Another bout of absence due to an absolute lack of excitement which leads to a lack of motivation to blog (or talk) about anything. I wonder who reads this blog anyway now that Joey's gone to NS. Anyway, Cheryl pm-ed me a link to a colorgenics test online. I thought it was one of those 'click here!' viruses that circulates on msn at first. Results below:

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

Awww. I just like the colour black, ain't my fault right? Personally, I feel really yin and yang-ish. I'm a black and white person. I even reckon that I have the responsibility to balance out energies and keep things within the vicinity in harmony. I would say the results are preety accurate larhs, just I'm not that depressed and sad and suicidal and I want to live in total darkness where the light doesn't come close to shining- ish as the results seem to depict. Yeesh. But its preety accurate nonetheless. Do it, and tell me what you got.

P/S. I HAVE heard of that cliche before, dummy. That's why when I cry, I cry alone and I don't expect people to cry with me. Why should they?