I'm adding on to my list one more reason to learn my Japanese properly. I just remembered KHII was released in a Final Mix+ version today, meaning its got a Japanese language interface coupled with more events, bosses to fight and new maps, painstaking for one who doesn't read Japanese on a daily basis and completely unplayable for those who don't know the language at all. What's more, KHCOM, the game essential to knowing your way round KHII made for the gameboy advance with therefore, subpar graphics and gameplay system that is absolutely driving me nuts at the moment was remade and packaged with KHII Final Mix+ as a PS2 playable game (!) with proper CG graphics (!!). That means being able to have Sora run around the whole space of the screen and not just like, flat on a.. 2D screen. You get what I mean.

Crap, I feel like a real asshole now.

But more of that later. Let me share a glorious experience I had today. Namely with a large cake, and the CNY cookies clogged refrigerator. This afternoon, my maid interrupted my pissified mood carried over from yesterday to tell me that there's this strange man at the gate. So anyway, in this type of situation, I will go check out who the stranger is. I poked my head out from the gate and spotted this Angie cake van. Apparently, the troubled fellow told me he had come to deliver the neighbour's cake but since they weren't in, he had called them and they said to leave the gargantuan bugger at my place. Technically, the size of that thing didn't strike me till it was placed into my hands and I was nearing the refrigerator but anyway, I felt it was very strange to be collecting a cake on behalf of a neighbour. We were that close?

Alright, so I opened the fridge door and before I could make this cake vanish from my hands I realised then that this cake had become a liability. On closer than usual inspection, the fridge was completely packed to the brim with more useless stuff than I had remembered. Jars of CNY cookies even slided horizontally in to utilise full space, a left opened can of who knows what, boxes of stuff that aren't meant to be eaten by anyone living under this roof, cartons of soy milk.. everything was cramped in like some squatter settlement. And I had this hugeass cake in my hands that was to somehow join this neighbourhood. Furthermore, since this cake doesn't belong to anyone here, I'm not allowed to do what I would have done otherwise, taken the easy way out and do a half bait job in getting it in.

I got down on my knees, sorting and organising, trying to make 100% use of any space inside, which later turned to squashing and throwing around because this cakebox just had to be of a certain size, being able to only fit on either one of the two out of 4 shelves in the fridge. Correction, I mean only one out of all the shelves, because I just remembered how I slided the box in and it had to refuse to move in anymore, making the fridge door uncloseable. That was when I realise the mission was far from over and my violent side played a more active role. May I add that some words that should have been censored made it out of my mouth. When the task at hand becomes the sole purpose of living for that moment, other things naturally fade in importance.

Fortunately, the box made it in before my actions became too rowdy and cracks start appearing on any of the other boxes in there. But by then, I had already slammed the door shut ready to erase all memory of the past 15 minutes or so. Imagine, it's your birthday and you have to shove a cake into a fridge which isn't even yours.

Anyway, back to why I feel like a complete asshole. I more or less ruined my day being pissed at my brother and sister from yesterday, feeling underappreciated, lonely, and still overall just annoyed that no one ever cares, and that "Insensitivity, it owns the world and all its people" if you read my nick on msn. I remembered the pissed off replies I shot off yesterday because I couldn't be bothered to talk to them properly anymore, or to talk to them ever again, because they were just so mean to me so I would be mean to them too. So when my brother asked me if I wanted something I'd just say No without considering, when my sister said happy birthday I said Pooh! And unhappy at that, the kind of look that says as if you would care. I felt like they owed me something.

I was beginning to feel the effects of loneliness today, it eats away at your heart and makes you restless and bored. My sister began to close the door yesterday night and before she left to go out with the cousin, she said sorry she couldn't go to the birthday dinner tonight so I said it's alright. I guess that counts as an apology.

But I felt so shitty and useless when I had dinner with just my parents because I felt like a loser :( and as though I had no friends. The brother was working as usual, not like I would've wanted him there cos it would be awkward cos I treated him like crap yesterday (not that he didn't treat me like I was anyway!). On the car ride home, I had to become all restless and began recounting aloud to my mom the kind of monetary privileges the brother always got that I never got, relating them in somewhat crystal clear detail.

Anyway, when we got back home, the mother came to my messy pigsty room that I keep procrastinating to tidy up and handed me this very obese looking angpao, adding that she'd give me the rest later on cos frankly, it's CNY and it's not very smart to give away all your monies before it even starts. So there, she pierced the first arrow into my guilty heart. Every boss in a video game has a weak point which you exploit endlessly and at every opportunity to defeat him. If you're looking for a way to defeat me, then this is it, to weigh my heart down with guilt by giving me things I don't feel I earned or deserved and at an expense of your own.

The next beating came a short while after when the brother came home from his job at the furniture shop. You know how when you aren't on good terms with someone and when that someone is around, you become more aware of his/ her presence? Anyway, before I could psych myself to ignore the goings-on around the house, he conveniently popped himself in and handed me a huge ass box with a fine looking Sora inside. Not half as huge ass as the stupid cake that wasn't mine today, but huge ass to be something GIVEN to me. That was completely unforeseen and I felt very sheepish as he wished me a happy birthday and gave it to me. I think like, a large piece of my heart was blown away at that instant, not by wind but by something like a shotgun that left a wide gaping hole, or something. I didn't know how to react to that, this wasn't something that I deserved or earned, and to make things worse, I hadn't been the kindest person yesterday. He got me this with his money, the money he earned from the lousy furniture shop job (haha.), which he certainly didn't have to, completely out of his will, so that I could be happy for a while, because I always talked about Kingdom Hearts like some mad fanatic, how I beat Sephy the hardest boss ever, how leveling up forms is key, how good the Fenrir is especially when you see it in action. Shit, I'm crying, it's just even worse when you put it in words isn't it? And there I was thinking nobody cared, when I have a huge Sora standing right here on my table.

The sister, who came back also a short while after also came bearing good gifts, a nice box of Guylians choccies. By this time, I knew the anger had to end. They were pelting me with gifts, and they just wouldn't stop! Anyway, that box of choccies confirmed the fact that I was a completely asshole. I'm looking at it at the corner of my eye now, it's just lying there on my table
making me look so dumb.

I'm just horrible okay? You happy now? I succumb to the dark forces more often than everyone else and I just love to think that nobody likes me when in fact thats not true okay? There, I said it. And I'm sorry okay? But I still don't think it was entirely my fault, so there!


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We all want things to be given us without having to say it.

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Not saying it doesn't make you less of an asshole than the one who says it.

My first Threadless Select tee and boy, it looks so fine. I just got a bundle of my tees back from the tailor's today, together with 2 other pairs of jeans and 1 pair of Mango pants and woah the tees fit quite snugly but the longer length just completely flatters my figure so I'm pretty satisfied with his work. Ya anybody who wants to alter their jeans or tees go to Express Altering #4-40 Far East Plaza and have fun with the tailor. He has that signature look, the 'Do I know you?' expression whenever you pop your head in and say hi but he's really quite nice and talks to you after a while. Anyway, take a word of advice from me, the online shopping queen and don't EVER get jeans or pants from Old Navy. The cut is just, completely baggy and I'm not sure whether altering can make them look any better on you.

Anyway, today has been quite eventful. I will give credit to my siblings for being able to just completely piss me off today. There is definitely some kind of conspiracy between them the way they naturally gang together to make me blow my top to outerspace. Some will say don't be so petty but I'd throw one right back atcha with it's the little things that count. I think the little things more often than not betray one's innermost thoughts. Take for example, if you didn't mean it, you really wouldn't have said it. Their insensitive remarks are just so cutting sometimes it all adds up after a while, I don't know what I did to deserve such a whacking.

I don't want to hold it against them but their remarks just make me wonder if they have anything such as.. I don't know... maybe, a heart? I'll just run through a few instances for those who are dying to know the dirty details and maybe you guys can judge for yourselves.

Even though it's quite obvious that I've been a Christian for a while, my sister makes no qualms showing her disgust for the religion. Words like 'brainwashing' have been used to describe the services I go for at church, 'ewww' as a response to the subject on speaking in tongues. Not to mention the evermore annoying habit of loudly declaring "She's praying" to all at the table whilst I quietly say my grace. Think I can overlook the last one but I mean, the point is, is it really standard procedure for you to openly attack a sibling in such a way? And so indiscreetly as well? Come to think of it, I wonder what she's been eating because since she came back to Singapore, she has really upped her level of being annoying. I'm beginning, strangely, to vaguely remember her being rather loud and annoying generally when she comes back on holiday. I mean it in no disrespect whatsoever, and definitely not as an attack to her personality, but to a peace loving, silence worshipping person, it's just well, plain annoying. What's she on I wonder, crack? Or it's the weather maybe? If so, then I'd probably hibernate in Japan...

Okay, on to sibling number 2. Ohh he makes me sooooo mad I could just go I hate you I hate you I hate you and you're so hateful you're so hateful you're so hateful forever without meaning it but being very angry whilst yelling it. The damage is dealt in the form of seemingly fraudulent slips (am I using the term correctly?), but then again, sometimes I wonder whether he actually really meant it (which is alarming! - the fact that he might have meant it!). He absolutely refuses to let go of the insult that I am fat. He just relishes at the opportunity to say that I'm fat, just because he is like, a stick and therefore definitely thinner than I am. What? Are you trying to show your happiness and confidence about your absence of fat? If so, that's just plain annoying. Okay this sounds petty but, I assure you, the context with which this seemingly harmless comment was made really makes it look like he's just using it to get back at me, in a not so harmless way. Secondly, is it really hard to deduce that using the adjective "fat" on a female subject is very very rude and should not be used unless the main objective of saying it was to attack or to insult? I'm sure it's not. Men, think about it, even you would know better right?

Anyway, oh the way the chemistry between them is so good they achieve astounding levels of pissing me off when they synchronise. My sister has the need to hog the toilet when its time to go out, leaving me with close to 0min to prepare myself at all. Today, she just had to insist on doing it whilst she stuck me with accomplishing the painstaking task of finding the address of some Ebay seller embedded somewhere within the links. My brother just had to point out the fact that I was still in my PJs, further aggravating the situation because as I said, she's damn using the damn toilet and I can't damn use it got it?? And she's making me do stuff cos she can't damn do it her damn self okay?? Anyway, after rushing myself with what little time I had to haphazardly change out of my clothes so that we could quickly leave the house for lunch; we were way behind time, the two of them just had to simultaneously go do their own thing while I was already raring to jump out of the house already. One moment they're complaining I'm the slowest person, I'm always the last person, look who's first now, dumbass. I distinctly remember it being like that for quite a while when it comes to going to school. My brother'd be the first to wake up and I'd be the last to wake up and in the end, I'm out and about outside the house and waiting for him to slowly put on his shoes so my mom can drive out of the house. Today, his memory just had to fail him that he's one of those first-but-last type serving to make me angry because he absolutely refused to stop doing his thing and just go out and put on his shoes even though I made obvious my intention for him to do so. In other words, he's ignoring me lah! And at the same time squeezing in some other callous words insisting that I'm the true last person. Okay whatever, talk to the hand. The sister, what's she doing on the other hand, it truely baffles me what kind of wonderful conversation she can carry out at this time when we're already late. Dragging her feet around here again, can I say one more time, Who's the last person now, dumbass? Certainly not me so don't damn label me the last person damn you hateful people. Wait, and for the finishing move, just to put the cherry on the top, she comes bounding down the stairs after taking her own sweet time doing her own agenda with the damn brother getting up from the computer and following her outside to put on his slippers after seeing her do so. Oh my goodness, am I some second rated citizen?? How come she go out put on her slippers then you will go do the same but when I ask you to do it you ignore me? So hateful. And like, his timing is just so spot on, when he goes off to walk next to her, both of them talking their cute little conversation while I'm left trailing behind like some peeved dog. So hateful.

Anyway, the result was that I absolutely did not want to talk to them at all for the whole day and I completely ignored them because who likes to be ignored? I'm just observing how they'd like to be ignored cos they did it to me and apparently it seems very fun for them to do it on me and with such dead accurate timing. I think for someone to ignore you especially after dropping such obvious hints that you're seriously unhappy with the way they conduct themselves can't even be called a friend at all, much less family.

If they don't appreciate me, like how it's been so obvious to me today, then I'll be less of a nuisance and stop socialising with them. It is afterall, the default defense mechanism against such hurtful behaviour. When someone hurts you, you stay away from them. So yea, since I am so annoying and always the last person and always dilly dallying and so ugly and fat, I'll just do you guys a favour and stay out of your lives. Decided that's only the sensible thing to do.

While everyone's stuck in the university studying, here I am free to run (period). Life has been contrary to what I had expected, I haven't been able to reach the state of boredom yet. The past coupla days I spent yanking out all my clothes clogging up the tiny wardrobe and folding and stacking them nicely so that my sister could have a share in the wardrobe space. One wardrobe to two girls seriously... does not make any sense. Anyway, that aside, I spent almost at least a few hours on the playstation playing Kingdom Hearts II everyday. There are still a number of missions, mini-games, leveling up and bosses to fight so that's been keeping me quite happily occupied. And when I'm done with that I could always move on the Final Fantasy XII. I just managed to beat that pesky Sephiroth today. I confess, my palms start to sweat and I get all fidgety when I attempt to fight him but with more levels and new skills yes, I quite delighted in watching him get whack by Sora's keyblade. You go Sora!

I met up with a friend just a few days ago and we talked a bit about anime and games and what we liked so much about them, what we liked to see in them. And I just had to go on about the primary school kids I had to relief teach for two days. Kids these days are surprisingly not all as different as us than we think them to be. I decided on relief teaching as much as I dread all kinds of work so as to earn some money to hopefully eventually be able to buy a PS3 when I'm all alone in Japan. I need a companion! So far I've worked three days, that's $65/day deducting the 20% for !#^$%*# CPF that's just above $150 far from my target of $717.60 and strangely I'm having so many appointments with people lately, I don't think work is very possible in the days to come. Speaking of days to come, it's almost CNY and I've gone back to the online forums to find stuff to complete some outfit in mind.

Oh right, I went to the Zouk flea market with Fang and Justin (like why in the world he wanted to go.. beats me) and I bought a topshop shirt in size 6 for $8 that fits pretty well. My sister hates it and Justin thinks its something his grandma would wear, my mom says she likes it (lol which reaffirms his point) but that's what it's supposed to be like I think, vintage print. I got a nautical looking elastic belt, well worn judging from its elasticity and general appearance, that screams Captain America/ Wonder Woman because it's blue red white horizontally striped.

See? My life is exciting right?

Moving on, Justin and I went to Penang Place for dinner one day, can't quite remember which day that was, but I just completely exhausted my stomach's capacity, which is quite normal for me to do so at Penang Place. Auntie Hannah was so nice, I got to eat for free in the end, which defeated the purpose of having dinner with Justin since he was supposed to pay.

Let's move on to the present shall we? I saw a notice on sgselltrade looking for size UK10-12 girls for an indie-styled clothes photoshoot just yesterday. The post says the models get to keep the clothes and get paid $125/day. Since I suppose it's Joanne who's in charge of this; Cheryl knows her and she's pretty nice too, judging from some miscellanous emails I exchanged with her in the past, I thought well why not? I think I fit the bill too. The last time I 'spoke' to her, it was about gothic clothes, I had something of a goth craze at that moment in time, hyped up enough to think about getting a dress tailored in the style of Sena Robin.

Oh sheesh, I'm being bitten by mosquitoes as I speak. I woke up a few days ago with two itchy red blotches, one on each cheek of my face. It's clearly my turn to suffer the wrath of these annoying insects; my mom and brother complained of mosquito bites previously while I was quite happily undisturbed by them for some reason.

More CNY shopping in the next coupla days to come; I've bought an Urbanoutfitters jersey skirt, waiting for it to arrive in the mail together with my brown houndstooth Forever21 shorts. I've been needlessly stocking up on long-sleeved clothes, since it would be Spring when I arrive in Japan. I hope to stretch the $105 my mom gave me as cny expenditure, anyway, meeting Fang at Ikea for lunch tomorrow (meatball goodness!). Peace out!