It always seems that whenever I reach out to touch something, I end up always getting hurt. A fragile being, yet hard on the outside, baked to hard perfection from scarring events. There is rarely a beam of sunlight, a ray of hope, that penetrates the dark gloomy sky. It is always raining, always dark, always despair, always hopelessness. Perseverence has long withered away, there is no such thing that exists. Instead, trudging on like a lone wolf, the only thing I await, is the end.

I am so troubled right now. And why am I not surprised there isn't anyone around to help me through this. What could they do anyway. Say awww, that's real bad, don't think about it too much, oh dear, that is bad, pray about it. Then walk away and forget about it. Yaar those are real friends there. Why am I still here I wonder.

If God is someone who likes us to be honest then he is the most awesomest person ever. Because that's what I like too. Honesty. If you don't want to listen. Then don't pretend like you care. Drop the bombs on me now.

I was watching my current fav Jdrama on TV. Its amazing these Jdramas are. I'm beginning to think only the Japanese know human emotions. And how to handle them with TLC. They seem to be the only people who understand more than anyone else. I think if I had a family next time, I'd definitely want it to be like in JDramas.

I am so not going online shopping ever again after this nasty incident. I am going to stick my head where I can see where I put my money. Like REAL shopping, at least they usurp my money in a less ruthless manner. Or stick my head where people can't swing choppers at it. Like in irc, watching anime, playing PS games, studying japanese, working at PP, drawing characters, applying for scholarship, modelling furniture on 3DS Max, watching Aijou Ippon, watching Desperate Housewives, watching Project Runway, reading memoirs of a geisha, reading 40 days of purpose, watching the WC on tvunetworks, reading manga, tidying my room, listening to my mp3 player, listening to my FFXII First Press Limited Edition OST, plan itinerary on the UK trip. gosh. God is a wonderful person. He has given me so many things to do.

Too bad I'm startin to think he is THE only wonderful person around. That can get kinda depressing thinking about that.

My first battle scar in years:

I had underestimated my opponent, the flight of steps leading to the back gate, and had run and pounced on, and attacked it full force without considering the potential dangers and how ill-equipped I was ( wearing slippers). It got rather painful after a while which left me limping all over the place. Essentially, the blood spilled more on the inside than out. Full of pride, I showed it to my brother who wanted a second look.

I realised thereafter he was more interested in having a closer look at the bump (or should I say hump) that had developed from the injury. What a healthy, nasty-looking bruise.

This brings me to recollect the show I watched on TV about supermodels. I heard they insure their legs for millions of dollars. Heidi Klum's legs had a value of a couple of million each or so. A scar, could easily scrape the value by a few hundred or thousand dollars. Imagine, they'd have to keep their eyes on where they place their feet on. No over enthusiastic jumping/ pouncing/ kicking/ sliding/ whatever possible movements they could do with their legs. What an extremely cautious life they must lead!

I think I need some excitement in my life judging from the kind of things I do nowadays. I ordered some mineral makeup samples just so I could try out the blue-eyeshadow-overkill Lil Mayar look. Lil Mayar is the protagonist in a new anime called Ergo Proxy by manglobe. She's a typical goth and has intense navy blue colour surrounding the outline of the entire eye.

Okay, so I did the best I could. I think I need better quality foam head applicators. The ones I used were too rough and tended to rub a bit of colour off the areas that I'd already applied on. Mmm, the makeup smelled nice..

I don't wear makeup at all so, the mops got a bit of a shock when she turned around to see large dark panda like circles over my eyes. My brother who didn't say anything for a while finally decided what to think of it: disgusting.

I thought it was okay though. Even though the colour came out to be darker than I expected. Very gothic-looking.

I also got a gray pvc bag wrapped parcel in the mail a few days later. I thought it looked very... threatening. Like a bomb, to put that more specifically.

Okay, so it couldn't have been a bomb because I was expecting it. The very much delayed (release date pushed back from 19/04 to 31/05) Final Fantasy XII First Press Edition Original Soundtrack! Hurrah!

I did think, how impulsive of myself, since the soundtrack wasn't composed by Nobuo Uematsu.
Oh what the heck! It's still FF and all these years of painfully watching the first press editions sell out must have left deeper a scar than I'd thought.

They generously stuffed nice green paper inside the box...

And there was an advertisement pamphlet of some sort plus the invoice inside the box... Cool...

The OSTs all bubble wrapped nicely!

Well, cdjapan says "Special case, 28 page booklet, super picture labeled discs" included in the first press edition so, well, at least this is how it looks like on the outside! I'm not ripping open the plastic just yet so you gotta wait.